1.29.2009

I Know, It's Face to Palm Time

I cannot believe it has been so long since I have posted anything substantial. Believe me, I have had a ton of topics on my mind and (until now) actual free time. I've just been unable to focus on anything for longer than a couple of minutes lately. I don't know if it is my ADD (or, for that matter, if I even have ADD), or if it's my meds, or my exhaustion, or my stress, or maybe I'm just lazy.

I really don't know.

I do know that there are several people whom I have promised responses to and I hate letting them down.

A while back I bought a voice activated recorder to carry with me so that when I had an idea for a blog, or a school paper, or a freelance project, I could just record my brainstorming and then later transcribe it into a fully formed piece.

Well, I carried the recorder for about a week and even remembered to record a few things. Then, on the weekend I listened to it. Now, absent the original inspiration, it just played back as my stupid voice babbling at me, so I erased it all.

I kept the recorder by my bed, as I tend to have my most brilliant ideas when I'm trying to fall asleep. I recorded some more stuff and when I listened to it in the light of day it sounded like teen-aged melodrama.

I decided that the problem is that I'm too self conscious to listen to my own voice, so I've ditched the recorder.

Now I have tiny incomplete word documents all over my work and home computer. In fact, here are some of the topics:

1. A new installment of "The stoopidest Man I ever Divorced" with a special message for my friend from another Message board I frequent. (Holla anonymous friend!)

2. An opinion piece about volunteering and why you have no excuse not to.

3. An essay about the three traits that I despise (Greed, Lying and lack of Gratitude)

4. How to raise a grateful child (This is an old free lance piece that I never completed - Ugh.)

5. An essay about the state of the economy (and why you shouldn't panic)

6. An essay about the passing of Prop 8 - which is not so timely now, but still an issue very close to my heart.

7. My growing dislike of modern communication

There's lots more, but those are the ones currently in a state of being written.

Sooooo .... all I can say is keep checking back here because eventually I will put some new stuff up.

And, it might just be addressed to YOU.

1.17.2009

Sometimes It's Okay to be Lonely ...

Right?


RIGHT?!


Heh heh. I find myself kind of out of sorts tonight. I'm overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do. I seem to be at a place in my life where I'm filled with ideas, yet empty of energy. It's weird, but I have so much to say, yet the focus to write it down escapes me. I've been on break from school for three weeks and have managed to get (almost) caught up on stuff around the house and office. If going back to school while also working full time and being a single mom has taught me anything; it's taught me to value my free time. These past few weeks have felt like a vacation! As such, I have spent a lot of time doing ...absolutely nothing.


I have channel surfed aimlessly; read for pleasure; watched a few movies; and even *gasp* walked around the mall. I don't even, like shopping, but there was something kind of fun about getting out there and being a part of the masses.


Maybe that's what's been missing from my life; that feeling of being a part of something.


See, in order to accomplish this whole school/work/life thang, I have to keep myself on a really really tight schedule. This means there's no time to go out with friends; to attend a movie; to host a dinner party; or even to have lengthy phone conversations.

Most of my closest friends live out of town, so communication is via phone and e-mail - both of which get back burner-ed because of school demands.

I keep telling reminding myself that this my last semester before taking some time off, so my self-imposed solitude should be ending soon.

But sometimes I do just get a bit lonely.