5.20.2007

Buddha Confession Part 2

These past few weeks I have been living more like an ordinary person than a Buddha and it has begun to trouble me.

I seriously think I have broken all five precepts, which for you Christians out there is like breaking the commandments.

Do Not Destroy Life: Aside from the giant bug incident of which my hands, if not my Karma remained clean, I have been shamelessly killing ants in my kitchen. Not even just spraying bug spray to keep them away, but literally smashing them with my finger. There are just sooooo many of them. And they are getting into my food. I don't know what else to do. Sigh.

Do Not Steal: For a Buddhist stealing is not just tangibles, but also things like time and ideas. Aside from the fact that I have a new intellectual history hero who all but wrote the final version of some papers for me last semester, I also have been guilty of stealing everyone's time. I've kept Little Dog waiting after school; spent too much time visiting rather than working during the day; and kept my new friend on the phone late into the night.

Do Not Commit Sexual Misconduct: Well, considering Little Dog reads this (Hey my son!) I should probably tread lightly here. I guess I will just say it is untrue to accept the physical embrace of others if they are merely replacement for someone else. It's not about sex, but about intent.

Do Not Lie: Whoa! I think I am actually in the clear on this one. My honesty has been my downfall lately.

Do Not Take Intoxicating Drinks: Um.... well, twice in the past week alone I have been buzzed on wine. Not that there is inherently anything wrong with this. It's just that I drank seeking that irresponsible feeling of silliness. I have also smoked waaaay too much lately.

In addition to all of this I find myself thinking more of the past or daydreaming rather than living in the moment. Rather than increasing my meditation, I have skipped it entirely for a few days. I'm sure the freedom from school work has led to all of this, as for the first time in months I actually have time. But time can be a dangerous thing if one's mind wonders from the moment.
I need to make Katherine her CD (Holla Katherine! I haven't forgotten you!); write Keith a graduation letter; welcome the new neighbors with some sort of gathering; and spend some time with one of Little Dog's friends who deserves to feel special. Basically, I need to get outside my own head and practice a bit more compassion in my own little world.

I just have to figure out how to do get back on the path.

I'm not sure confessing is the right start, but apparently old Catholic habits die hard!

5.18.2007

Buddha Confession

Last weekend there was a horrible gi-normous bug in my entryway. Ordinarily I can deal with the average bug, but this one was BIG. And creepy. Little Dog is worthless when it comes to bugs, as he squeals like a baby mouse and flees at the sight of one.

So, Saturday afternoon we were standing on the stairs, a good length away from this interloper, both of us wondering what to do. I had the phone in hand and was wondering just who was closest for me to call to come shoo the monster out when my neighbor, Ron, pulled in. I darted out the back door and explained the situation. He is not a big fan of the bug himself, but his chivalry is unrivaled. He grabbed a broom and a bucket from the garage and headed to my house. I felt justified when he saw the creature and was visibly astonished at its size.

"What do you want me to do with it?"

"Get it out!"

And with that, he dropped the heavy bucket smack on top of the bug.

Little Dog Shrieked and I must have exclaimed something to the effect of "YOU KILLED IT!" because Ron looked at me like I was crazy.

"Of course I killed it. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"NO! I just wanted it out. It could have lived outside."

"But then it would have come back in?" Ron was confused.

He swept the carcass out the door and into the grass. I thanked him and pronounced him a hero... though not so much from the bug's point of view, I'm sure.

Sometimes it is difficult being a Buddhist amongst heathens
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Having limitations on your lifestyle is NOT the same as being poor.