In Which a Sweet and loving Mother commits an Incredibly Selfish Act
When we last left off RB and I had met, slept together, shared an apartment, broken up and conceived a child ... All in the span of about 5 months.
It also bears mentioning that RB's mother had put a gun to her head and killed herself a month prior to the breakup. It was the most "considerate" selfish act I had ever heard of. She spread an old blanket to minimize the mess, bought a new gun (rather than taint any in her husband's collection,) locked the cat in the guest bedroom with plenty of food and water and neatly laid out all of of her insurance information on the kitchen table.
See, she had been struggling with major depression for at least a year prior. In fact, she had made some minor attempts in the previous weeks - nothing more serious than to warrant a quick trip to the ER and a recommendation for counseling.
And she was indeed in therapy and on numerous medications. I don't know all that was in her head, but having dealt with clinical depression myself I tried to be of support. She would call in the afternoons when her husband was at work and RB was in class. We had long conversations about how proud she was of RB and how great her husband was, yet how sad she still felt. She said it made her really happy that RB had found such a nice girl as me and she looked forward to grand kids.
However, she also had some conflicting emotions. See, she had devoted her whole life to RB's happiness. Caring for him made her feel needed, and somewhere along the line "love" had turned into "need." I can only guess that what was independence to RB, felt like abandonment to her. She frequently begged him to move home "for just one more year" until he finished college. Even though he did his best to assure her it was nothing personal, and that she was still his best girl; even though we visited often and she was welcome to visit us any time, it apparently wasn't enough.
So, one evening while her husband was out of town on business, and just before RB stopped by, she ended it all.
RB walked in only moments after. I can only imagine the horror of the scene he walked into. I will spare you the details as he relayed them to me. The only thing I remember about the aftermath, was that a funeral is an awkward place to meet your boyfriend's family.
I think somehow her act was her way of expressing just how much she hurt. I don't think she was capable, from the depths of her own depression, of considering any one else's feelings. She didn't think of how this would devastate her husband of almost 30 years, and the guilt he would have to find a way to live with. She didn't consider what this would do to the emotions of a young man just entering the adult world and how it would forever affect his relationship with women.
I don't think she would have done it if she had been capable of considering these things.
I don't think anyone can even begin to understand how it changed RB because looking back, I think that was when he quit being capable of love.
To be continued...